So our relief didn’t last. Two weeks after the lomustine dose the lumps started growing again. We decide to try the CHOP protocol with an oncologist closer to home since it is every week instead of every three. My work schedule is very weird and very rigid. I work 7 10 hour shifts every other week. So that is a week on and a week off. I am a surgical nurse at a level 1 trauma center. I do not have sick leave or the option of last minute changes. If only FMLA was available for furry children. So my husband has been helping alot with the doctor visits. His left eye turns red again about three weeks after the drops got it under control. Then he has a weird growth on his neck that bursts open and starts to smell. We get antibiotics and try to treat without surgery but end up taking it off. He felt spunky a few days after that. CHOP fails no change at all. We try the lomustine again with nothing. Now it has been 8 different drugs and he has not really responded. The only drug left is mustargen which is toxic and may take away the quality of life he has left. He has been a trooper getting chemo week after week. He is still happy at times wagging smiling and following as best as he can. He is hungry and drinks well probably because of the prednisone. He is blind in the left eye and you can see the tumor in the eye. His right eye is irritated and swollen but he can still see. The lumps are all over now! We had to take him to the ER for one bleeding on the roof of his mouth. But he is still my sweet boy nothing changes his personality. I know what I am supposed to do…stay positive, don’t upset him etc. That is why I started this blog to remember who he really is my bouncy silly extatic little guy. My heart is breaking every time nothing changes. Every new problem he has to deal with. Why does such a perfect dog have to suffer. I cry and want to scream because he doesn’t deserve this. I want to quit my job and be with him non-stop but how would I afford the thousands of dollars in vet bills. I drive everyone nuts checking in every day “is Sammy ok send a picture”. Poo died while I was at work and I am ridiculously afraid of that happening again. Sammy is such a mommas boy I would never forgive myself. I know who I’m supposed to be calm and supportive. Unfortunately that’s not me I am clinging to every minute analyzing everything. Is he in pain is he breathing funny. I know this doesn’t help. He is my furry kid and this is killing me. So I force myself to leave the house and exercise and be normal. I do my yoga and eat the best I can. I’m trying to stay sane and handle this for him. But hes leaving me soon and I cry every day. But I can’t change it.
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